I'm Just the Writer

Originally posted to my personal blog on September 30, 2015.

In high school I wrote a short piece of fiction regarding writer's block.  The protagonist of the story, a writer, is taking a stroll through the world she has created, admiring the many elements and characters she is surrounded by, when she is stopped abruptly by the appearance of a brick wall. She tries desperately to get around the mass, attempting to walk around it, climb it, and even break it down by ramming into it with her shoulder.

I won't spoil how it ends--if you want to know, you can click this link and read it yourself.  The reason I am bringing this up is because at one point in the story I mention something about being the "God of this universe" and how I am in control of everything that happens.  While it is true, to a degree, there is a degree of falsehood as well, something that I only just learned yesterday.

I have been spending some time working on a story that I was really excited about.  I knew certain elements of the story--characters, setting, some of the events--but for some reason that I couldn't figure out, I had no idea what the actual plot was.  What was the purpose of the story?  Why were the characters acting the way they were or doing the things they were doing?  After weeks of hammering and poking and prodding I decided yesterday to give up on it, at least temporarily, and turn to another story.

The second story I chose to work on has a plot, as well as a basic outline for what I think will happen (when it comes to writing, nothing is set in stone until it is done).  I began rereading what I have already written of this story and as I did a switch was flipped and a light came on in my mind.  I knew what was wrong in the first story.  I knew why it wasn't working, why I was struggling.

You see, the whole premise for the story came about from a little "what if" that I had one day about two classic fiction characters.  I had imagined that one of them, the male character, had gotten his powers from the female character and that the two of them had fallen in love (basically).  The idea was intriguing, inspiring, to the point where I had to write it, to make it happen somehow.

I'm not sure how it happened, but I reached a point where the direction I was going with the story, what I had been trying to make the story do, was so far from that original idea that it didn't even exist anymore.  The male character hadn't fallen in love with that female character and who they were as people was completely off from what I had initially imagined.  I had over complicated the story, tried to put together puzzle pieces that didn't make sense and that weren't even supposed to be on the same board.  I tried to write what I wanted, not what happens in the story, and that was my biggest mistake.

When it comes to writing, yes, as the writer I have the power to do whatever I want.  I can decide whether someone will live or die in the story, whether the hero turns out to be the villain, or whether the monsters are all in your head.  I can write whatever I want.  But, if I want to be a good writer, if I want to actually create something worth reading, I have to listen to the story.  I have to step aside when what I want contradicts what actually has to happen.

What non-writers don't get is that when it comes to writing fiction the story isn't just something we make up on the fly.  It isn't some witty comeback that suddenly pops into our head when it is most convenient.  We don't create it all by ourselves and by our own merits alone.  It's more than us, more than just our own desires and experiences.  It's an entity all its own.  It exists, out in the universe, and it's waiting to be told.  Waiting for the right person to come and stay long enough to listen.  To tell the story contrary to what it actually is, is to lie.

I am not some omniscient being who knows all, sees all, controls all.  I am an observer watching the events unfold and recording them as they take place.  I am a detective, piecing together the parts of the story and pressing forward until the mystery is solved and the tale is complete.  I am a friend, listening to the characters as they reveal their secrets, their hopes, dreams, and their deepest regrets. 

I am not a god.  I'm just the writer.

A Decision Has Been Made

Over the past few months I have been going through some changes at work.  I have gone from a high paying position in the office to a lower paying position in the classroom.  Thanks to efforts from my new director, I was able to finish out the summer working full time hours.  However, starting today, I will be working 2 1/2 hours less each day, which means I will be getting a 25 hour cut for all future paychecks.

I knew this cut was coming and therefore I have been keeping my eyes open for jobs that could cover my now free mornings. I even began filling out applications for a couple of places, though I was hesitant about a couple of them.

Needless to say, I have been thinking a lot about what to do.  Should I find another job to fill my mornings or should I try for an evening job?  Should I see about changing my hours at my current job and taking on a job that I know would hire me that is only available in the afternoon?  Should I just look for something full time and leave the center entirely?  These are just a few of the questions running around in my mind the past few weeks.

Yesterday a thought came to me.  I could dedicate my now free mornings to writing rather than getting another job.

The minute the thought came to me I was bombarded by thoughts of doubt.  Seriously, you're going to spend time writing?  You know you have bills to pay, how are you going to work that out?  There is so much that could go wrong with this scenario, do you really want to risk it?  This is a HUGE decision! Are you sure you are able to make it correctly?

All day I wrestled with this idea, this thought that I could actually choose to take my writing more seriously (for real this time) and start out on my path towards my dream of becoming a published author.  I kept recalling a panel I went to a few years ago at a writer's conference.  The author who was speaking mentioned something about quitting their job to focus more on their writing.  Of course, said person was married and had another income to help support the two of them and their children, but it wasn't easy.  They still fell short sometimes.  But they did it.  They made it, and they are successful.

It is a scary thought--there's so much risk involved--and it's a bit overwhelming.  I tried to call my sister, tell her what I was thinking about and get a second opinion.  I really didn't want to make this decision on my own.

No answer.

I left a message explaining that I was wrestling with a decision, a BIG decision, and I wanted to talk to her about it.  Then I waited for her to call back.  That call didn't come.

Early in the evening I knew what I needed to do.  I went to my room, knelt down beside my bed, and I prayed.  I prayed as hard as I could to know what to do.  I expressed my concerns about finances, my fears that making this decision could lead to "catastrophic" consequences for me.  I thought that maybe I could try it out and if it didn't work I'd get another job.  The minute I had that thought however I quickly shut it down.  That kind of thinking is what has kept me from my writing all of these years.  That idea that, "Well, I can do something different if it doesn't work."  No.  I needed to decided right then and there if I was going to do it, and if I was I had to give it everything I have.

But there was still the issue of money.  How in the heck am I supposed to pay bills when I am struggling as it is, and a 25 hour pay cut is only going to hurt me more.

It was then that a clear image came into my mind.  A memory of something that had happened literally twenty four hours before this when God helped me in a small day with my money, and these words entered my mind, "You already know I can help you with that.  Don't worry."

I broke down and cried, not because I was sad or whatever, but because of the realization of how much my Heavenly Father loves me and that I didn't need to worry about money.  Everything will work out.

So, my dear readers, a decision has been made.  One that is personally life changing for me.  I will NOT be getting a second job.  I am going to use this time to focus on my writing career in the hopes that one day, sooner rather than later, I will finally reach that goal.

I am posting this here and onto my personal blog and I am asking that you all keep me in your thoughts.  And if I start to doubt, if you see that I am on the verge of backing out of this decision, don't let me change my mind.  Encourage me to keep pressing forward and to not give up.  This is a huge decision, a MAJOR decision, and I am going to need all of the love and support I can get.

Thank you all for the support you've given me thus far.  I really do appreciate it.  I look forward to this great adventure that I am embarking on.

Have an absolutely fabulous day!

Stephanie

Point of View

So last week I made some changes to the blog and made a commitment to write 2 hours a day on my story. I would like to say I was successful in keeping to that commitment, but not entirely. I did spend about two hours every day working on my story, but I didn't do much in the way of actual writing.

I was able to track down this incredible excel document that helps you not only organize your novel info, but also dig deeper into who your characters are and what their journey will be in your story. I've been a little obsessed with it (hence no actual writing) but it has actually been extremely helpful in figuring out the direction my story is going and how I'm going to get from point A to point B.

There's just one problem. All of this organizing has made me think I need to change the point of view the story is being told from. The problem with that is I'm already 20 pages in and it seems a little daunting to go through and change everything...

At present it is being told in first person by three different characters. Each chapter is labelled with whose point of view you are reading from (only one P.O.V. per chapter). It was working out alright until I realized I'm going to reach 30 chapters and still won't be near the end. Granted, each chapter is short, but I'm not sure how well I like that idea. I've never really had the opportunity to read any fiction books like that (several short chapters), so I'm not sure how effective they are. I know that if I change the P.O.V. to third person, I can combine some of my chapters and it won't be quite as...choppy.

What are your thoughts? Should I keep it first person and just leave it with multiple short chapters, or should I change it to third person and make the chapters a little longer? And why should I keep/change the point of view?

You can comment below with your responses. Thanks for your help!

Updates

It has been a while since I worked on my story (or any writing at all really), hence my lack of updates for this blog. I have been preoccupied with other things in my life and have, sadly, allowed my writing to take a back seat to everything else. This, I have decided, is going to stop.

This last Tuesday my dad and my sister went to a book signing for Shannon Hale. If you haven't read any of her stuff, I highly recommend her! She is a phenomenal author and an incredible person. When I was younger she and her husband lived in our neighborhood and they are just lovely people!

Anyways, so at the book signing Shannon mentioned that she spends 5 hours a day with writing. 2 hours to answer emails and such, 3 hours for writing. Now, Shannon has kids (including three year old twins), and when I heard she spends that much time, as well as raises her kids, I thought, "What's stopping me from doing the same thing? If she can do it, I should be able to as well."

So this is my new commitment. I am going to spend at least two hours of every day writing. Whether it's 8 15 minute blocks or a straight 2 hour haul, I'm going to do it. In order to do this, I had to evaluate how I spend my time outside of work and identify the time wasters that take away from my writing. The biggest culprits are Netflix and Facebook, with Youtube, Tumblr, and TV/Movies in general coming in at a close second. I also struggle with wasting time playing games on my phone. Once I figured this out, I decided that I will not allow myself to do any of these things until I have gotten my two hours in for the day. Period.

In addition to this commitment, if you haven't noticed already I have added a counter on this page which is a visual representation of my progress on the novel. I will update the counter daily as more of the story is written. I have also given myself a deadline to reach my goal of 100,000 words. The countdown for that is also displayed on this page.

Thanks to everyone who is still hanging in there with this. I know I'm not the most consistent with posting, but I am working at it.

Love you all!

Exciting News!!

(Note: This is also posted on my personal blog "In the Life of Me')

When I was down at Snow College I was introduced to Play in a Day. This is when a group of writers and actors get together to write and rehearse a play (or a handful of short plays) in 24 hours. The first twelve hours (for us we did 8pm Friday night to 8am Saturday morning) are spent writing. The next twelve hours (8am to 8pm Saturday) were used for rehearsal. Show went on for an audience at 8pm Saturday night.

We had five semesters of Play in a day and it was one of my best experiences from college. I would not be objected to doing again.

So, why do I tell you this? Well a year or so ago a guy that participated in our third Play in a Day (I think it was the third one, may have been the second or fourth) asked if he could turn my play from that event, "Between", into a short film.

I gave my permission, thinking it was for a school project or something like that. October 1, 2013 I received this message from him on Facebook:

"Odd question for ya. I may have found a producer for your piece "Between" Can I get a copy of it again if I can't find it and do I have your permission to make it a short film?"

I was surprised. A producer? To turn my piece into a short film? I told him yes and sent him a copy of the script right away.  

Thursday January 2, 2014 at 1:31pm :

"Your script is to two different guys right now. I think it's going to happen soon! "Between" is going to film!"

Thursday at 6:25 he sent me a copy of the response he received from the producer concerning my script. 

"I read the script. It has promise, but it needs to be properly adapted for screenplay. " 

The producer then explained in the message what would need to be changed and how to adapt it for the screen. He closed the message with this:

"What do you think? Feel like tackling this with your scriptwriter and getting back to me?"

To which my friend added his own message:

"This is what he said when he read it. what do you think?"

I told him, "YES!"

You guys, I cannot begin to express the joy and excitement I am feeling right now! Not only is someone interested in my play becoming a short film, but it is on its way to actually happening! It's always awesome to see your work performed on stage and I will always take pleasure in that no matter how small or big the audience is. However, I am super excited that it could be viewed by more than just the few who had the privilege of seeing it when I was at Snow.

Another exciting thing about this is how much more I can do with it! I won't be limited by the space of a stage and few props. I can do so much more with this script! It's awesome!

Have I mentioned that I am totally stoked about this?? Lol.

In light of this, my novel writing will be taking a backseat for the next while, so any writing updates I give will be on the screenplay for "Between".

I'll be sure to keep all of you posted as things keep moving forward. 

Again, super, SUPER stoked!!   

Chapter Two Complete!

Finally! I have finished Chapter Two! I sat down at my computer, turned off my phone, put on some music and got things done! I'm so happy!

When I was at the writer's conference back in February someone mentioned during one of the panels having a routine that you go through when you write. For example, one person had a special hat they wore whenever they would sit down and write. Not only did this let his family know that he would be writing, but it eventually became a trigger for his brain so that when he did sit down and write it was easier for him to do so provided he had the hat.

This got me thinking that I should have a routine myself or something like the hat to wear that will become my own trigger. I have plenty of hats that I could use, but I wanted something that was my own, something that represented me in some way and well none of my hats actually do that.

That's when I came up with it. SOCKS. Normally I just wear regular, plain old white socks because to me crazy fun socks aren't as fun if you have yo cover them up with your shoes. But who says I have to wear shoes when I write? Hmm?

So I bought myself some brightly colored socks and have made them my "Writer's Socks." Did I stop there with the crazy socks? Of course not, because anyone can wear crazy socks and it doesn't really stand out too much. But what if you wore two completely different crazy socks? Totally stand out! Not that anyone would really be seeing me as I write, but hey, whatever. ;)

Along with the socks I have added a cup of peppermint tea. Don't ask me why, but I think that in my brain it makes me feel more official and more like a writer if I have a steaming cup of something or other to drink. I don't drink coffee, so that was a no no. Hot cocoa would work but there's all of that sugar and drinking that much cocoa wouldn't exactly help my whole getting more healthy thing I've got going. But peppermint tea, yes, that would do just nicely. :)

I also had a PB and J sandwich today, which I may or may not include with the whole thing. I think it will depend on the time of day when I start writing and such.

Anyways, so I closed the bedroom door, sat at the desk and got to work. Two hours and 3318 words later, chapter two was finally complete. Again, I am so happy I finally got it done! After nearly three months of distractions and troubles it has finally been completed.

Thank you everyone that is still sticking with me on this. I know it's probably not that easy wanting to keep up with such a sporadic authoress like myself. So thank you again.

Distractions are the worst...

I've been having a lot of distractions as of late, so my writing has been rather slow. I'm still working on chapter two of Tender Mercies. I was spending some time getting to know more about one of my characters and discovered, he is going to need his own story. Great, another one to add to the list... Lol. Of course, those of you who know me know that I really don't mind. In fact, I think I would be concerned if I went too long without either writing or coming up with another story idea.

Anyways, I am working on it. I will strive to be better about writing the next few chapters. I think one of my biggest problems is that I am trying to work out the transition for this next chapter and I can't seem to get it just right. Oh well, I'll see what I can do.

Thanks for all of the support. You guys are the best! :D